Difference between Commitment and Detachment

A divine relationship with COMMITMENT AND NON- ATTACTHMENT

From the time we are born till the time we decease from earth… even as we move on in the spiritual realm, one thing that follows us is the word “RELATIONSHIP”.

It’s the key ingredient of soul journey. We share our first relationship with God, second with our soul, third with our parents and then after that everything follows.

In my work experience last 4 years, every soul I have met has some form of a relationship issue. Either with their partners, parents, friends or themselves. Sometimes I have even met people having issues with their relationship with God. As a coach /therapist and healer it’s my duty to make them aware of the lessons the need to learn or accept certain contracts they have chartered with a particular soul to complete certain karmas. Every soul may have different lessons and different ways of karmically handling their relationships. But there is one big thing common that every soul needs to function with, when in any relationship. It’s the lesson of COMMITMENT.

If I may say, the mistake people make while living in a relationship is of ATTACHMENT, which they mistake to be committed to.

There is a very thin line of difference between committing yourself and attaching yourself. A healthy/ divine relationship is the one where you can commit yourself to grow in the relationship and help the other person grow. Just like the way we are here for soul growth through relationships and we expect people for us to be sensitive and responsible and committed towards us, every soul that we are in a relationship expects the same.  Commitment and attachment can never go hand in hand. If you are attached to someone, that is you are using the other person for your own sub conscious means. And how can one be committed to means.

For e.g. – you can be attached to you house and car, but you need to be committed to your parents and partner.

If you have the awareness there is a vast difference, and if you don’t, what I am saying may not making any sense.

When we talk about attachment, we talk about how we can keep the person in a relationship with us all the time. Even if the relationship is to end karmically we hold on to the person calling it attachment, we hold on to the memories, feelings etc. in a case of commitment, we commit our self into a relationship with the soul for his/ her soul growth and our own. Commitment comes naturally. No one can push you to commit. Commitment is never follows by negative emotions. If you are committed to a relationship and if in the future it falls apart, you may be disappointed but you will never keep a tab of what you lost and what you did. You take it in your stride and move on with your commitments towards others. Not necessarily replacing the lost relationship with someone new, but can also be commitment towards your own self, your work, your parents, siblings, friends, etc.

On the contrary if you are attached and if the relationship is to fall apart, we soak our self in negative feelings and emotions, trying to evaluate and scrutinize everything that we did, the other person did, keep a tab and account of all that we gave into the relationship and all that we received, and drown our self in our own attachment. We can get so heavy with this feeling that we may not be able to wake up for work the next day, we may not be able to fulfill our duties towards other relationship. Attachment can bring life to a standstill. Where us commitment can help you accept life with new possibilities.

It’s a beautiful feeling to be committed to your soul work and other souls. Commitment will always raise your spiritual frequency and makes acceptance and letting go easy, where as with attachment we tend to get stuck to the frequencies of those with whom we are attached.

As you read the above, it all must be very clear in your head of relationships that you are committed to and those who you are attached to.

It’s never too late to change an attachment into a commitment. That’s the way to enjoy divine relationship with peace and grace. Commitment leads to soul contentment and completion. Attachment leads to holding on and in completions.

If we start to look into every relationship from now onwards and bring about this shift, life will be a lot more at peace. You will see a new light in your relationships with the same people and you will also enjoy sharing deeper emotions with them. Allow yourself to be committed rather than getting attached.

Enjoy yourself to grow and help others grow, rather than blocking your and other’s soul growth.

Allow yourself to feel the divine relationships around you the way they were meant to be and not the way you want them to be……

Loads of love and light,

Tamanna C

Dealing with Guilt?

hello peepz,

Hope everyone had a great weekend and enjoy my last post.

As I am working on my second book I decided to take time out and write about this chapter on HOW TO DEAL WITH GUILT.

I know 9 out of 10 people no matter what sex, or how successful or powerful they are, having a common weakness of self guilt or any other form of guilt.Guilt sometimes causes more pain than the external situation itself. Self guilt is like a self created posion that numbs us from thinking and acting wisely.

It’s amazing how quickly guilt can kick in for the smallest, most meaningless things in our lives. Guilt is an emotional warning sign that most people learn through their normal childhood social development. Its purpose is to let us know when we’ve done something wrong, to help us develop a better sense of our behavior and how it affects ourselves and others. It prompts us to re-examine our behavior so that we don’t end up making the same mistake twice.

How can we help combat our guilty feelings, and accept them when they’re important, but let them go more easily when they’re not?

  1. Recognize the kind of guilt you have and its purpose. Guilt works best to help us grow and mature when our behavior has been offensive or hurtful to others or ourselves. If we feel guilty for saying something offensive to another person, or for focusing on our careers with an 80-hour work-week over our family, that’s a warning sign with a purpose: change your behavior or else lose your friends or family. We can still choose to ignore our guilt then, but then we do so at our own risk. This is known as “healthy” or “appropriate” guilt because it serves a purpose in trying to help redirect our moral or behavioral compass. The problem arises when our behavior isn’t something that needs reexamining, nor is it something that needs to be changed. For example, a lot of first-time moms feel badly about going back to work part-time, fearful it may cause unknown damage to their child’s normal development. That’s simply not the case in most situations, however, and most children have a normal, healthy development even when both parents work. There’s nothing to feel guilty about, and yet we still do. This is known as “unhealthy” or “inappropriate” guilty because it serves no rational purpose. If you’re feeling guilty for eating five chocolate bars in a row, that’s your brain’s way of trying to get the message to you about a behavior you probably already recognize is a little extreme. Such behavior may be self-destructive and ultimately harmful to your health and well-being. So the rational purpose of this guilt is simply to try and convince you to change this behavior.
  2. Make amends or changes sooner rather than later. If your guilt is for a specific and rational purpose – e.g., it’s healthy guilt – take action to fix the problem behavior. While many of us are gluttons for self-punishment, ongoing guilt weighs us down as we try and move forward in life. It’s easy enough to apologize to someone whom we’ve offended by a careless remark Healthy guilt is telling us we need to do something different in order to repair relationships important to us (or our own self-esteem). (Unhealthy guilt’s purpose, on the other hand, is only to make us feel badly for little legitimate reason.) While sometimes we already know the lesson guilt is trying to teach us, it will return time and time again until we’ve actually learned the lesson fully. It can be frustrating, but it seems to be the way guilt works for most people.

    3. Accept you did something wrong, but move on. If you did something wrong or hurtful, you will have to accept that you cannot change the past. But you can make amends for your behavior, if and when it’s appropriate. Do so, apologize, or make-up for the inappropriate behavior in a timely manner, but then let it go. The more we focus on believing we need to do something more, the more it will continue to bother us and interfere with our relationships with others. Guilt is usually very situational. That means we get into a situation, we do something inappropriate or hurtful, and then we feel badly for a time. Either the behavior wasn’t so bad or time passes, and we feel less guilty. If we recognize the problem behavior and take action sooner rather than later, we’ll feel better about things (and so will the other person) and the guilt will be alleviated. Obsessing about it, however, and not taking any type of compensatory behavior (such as apologizing, or changing one’s negative behavior) keeps the bad feelings going. Accept and acknowledge the inappropriate behavior, make your amends, and then move on.

  1. Learning from our behaviors. Guilt’s purpose isn’t to make us feel bad just for the sake of it. The feeling of guilt is trying to get our attention so that we can learn something from the experience. If we learn from our behavior, we’ll be less likely to do it again in the future. If I’ve accidentally said something insulting to another person, my guilt is telling me I should (a) apologize to the person and (b) think a little more before I open my mouth. If your guilt isn’t trying to correct an actual mistake you made in your behavior (e.g., it’s unhealthy guilt), then there’s not a whole lot you need to learn. Instead of learning how to change that behavior, a person can instead try to understand why a simple behavior most people wouldn’t feel guilty about is making one feel guilty
  2. Perfection doesn’t exist in anyone. Nobody is perfect, even our friends or family members who appear to lead perfect, guilt-free lives. Striving for perfection in any part of our lives is a recipe for failure, since it can never be attained. We all make mistakes and many of us go down a path in our lives that can make us feel guilty later on when we finally realize our mistake. The key, however, is to realize the mistake and accept that you’re only human. Don’t engage in days, weeks or months of self-blame or battering your self-esteem because you should’ve known, should’ve acted differently, or should’ve been an ideal person. You’re not, and neither am I. That’s just life. Guilt is one of those emotions that we feel is telling us something important. Be aware that not every emotion, and certainly not every guilty feeling, is a rational one that has a purpose. Focus on the guilt that causes loved ones or friends harm. And remember to be skeptical the next time you feel guilty – is it trying to teach you something rational and helpful about your behavior, or is it just an emotional, irrational response to a situation? The answer to that question will be your first step to helping you better cope with guilt in the future.

Its time to set your soul free from the guilt of the past and fill it with strength to change behavior patterns for your own good and good of others around you. If you carry on with this pattern you will not only victimize yourself but also victimize people around you.

Have a blessed day

Loads of love and light

Tamanna Cguilt